i had a long talk with my roommates friend last night. i needed to know what he thought about my latest quest to rid my self of the anger that dominates my existence. he said that i'd be able to expel it as soon as i saw that it's not serving me. duh! i know that already. then he told me to ask for the anger to be lifted. he's not in recovery, in fact, i think he was drunk- but that sounds like what i hear from other folks. i also do a lot of reading and writing to get clear and get well and all that. i am just looking for alternative measures. i have listened to enough eckhart tolle to know that i just have to be aware of my painbody when it emerges. i know that seeing it for what it is, is the solution to disempowering it. 'it's not good or bad, it just is' he says. i guess i'm hoping to discover a secret 'eject' button. it appears that the answer is the same no matter what though-, it's about me and my inside job. another suggestion was that i stay away from negative people. i told him that I AM, the 'negative people' and he seemed disturbed by that. i consulted him only because he claims to be able to see spirits and feel energy. naturally i wanted him to tell me if my demons were visible to him. he said he doesn't really like to 'look.' well.. then !? ok.it's a good thing I took his suggestion to ask for the anger to be removed because today feel like i'm getting past the point of wanting anything to be different. i like that! Today happiness rose- and for no reason at all. Freedom is allowing me to carry on with my day today and do the things i need to do. I feel a little more free and a little more serene and more peaceful and all that. Independent of conditions. They're the same. Nothing is different today from yesterday-- Yet- I feel good. Not that feeling good is superior to feeling bad- they both serve a purpose, but as Alan Watts would say, 'you can't have the negative without the positive'.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
goodbye anger- hello life!
i had a long talk with my roommates friend last night. i needed to know what he thought about my latest quest to rid my self of the anger that dominates my existence. he said that i'd be able to expel it as soon as i saw that it's not serving me. duh! i know that already. then he told me to ask for the anger to be lifted. he's not in recovery, in fact, i think he was drunk- but that sounds like what i hear from other folks. i also do a lot of reading and writing to get clear and get well and all that. i am just looking for alternative measures. i have listened to enough eckhart tolle to know that i just have to be aware of my painbody when it emerges. i know that seeing it for what it is, is the solution to disempowering it. 'it's not good or bad, it just is' he says. i guess i'm hoping to discover a secret 'eject' button. it appears that the answer is the same no matter what though-, it's about me and my inside job. another suggestion was that i stay away from negative people. i told him that I AM, the 'negative people' and he seemed disturbed by that. i consulted him only because he claims to be able to see spirits and feel energy. naturally i wanted him to tell me if my demons were visible to him. he said he doesn't really like to 'look.' well.. then !? ok.it's a good thing I took his suggestion to ask for the anger to be removed because today feel like i'm getting past the point of wanting anything to be different. i like that! Today happiness rose- and for no reason at all. Freedom is allowing me to carry on with my day today and do the things i need to do. I feel a little more free and a little more serene and more peaceful and all that. Independent of conditions. They're the same. Nothing is different today from yesterday-- Yet- I feel good. Not that feeling good is superior to feeling bad- they both serve a purpose, but as Alan Watts would say, 'you can't have the negative without the positive'.