i set my mind to work on my thoughts and the results came back negative.

A wise person once said, you can't fix the problem at the level of the problem.

broken brain can't fix broken brain. is my brain broken? well sometimes it sure seems that way. i get caught in the moment of despair or the elated excitement of great instances. there, i create meaning. the meaning eludes me. it seems that i generate some seemingly useless material. at the end of the day none of it lasts. i can gather negative ideas though. a collection of them. they exist in my brain. they loop around and around. much like facebooks 'top stories' or 'most recent' on the 'feed', my thoughts operate in a similar fashion. i select one of two functions and next thing I know, i am in a world of pain. a pain i can't dig out with the same brain that contains the pain. the parts of my cerebral cortex that send a rescue team out to the 'sympathetic nervous system' or the 'reptilian brain' are disabled permanently and it's necessary for me to talk to someone or read something or listen to another- sometimes i feel my body and see where the 'feelings' live and understand how they 'feel.' the sensations must be somewhere inside- so i try to find them and examine them by feeling and locating them. so much of that is an old practice that i've abandoned since moving to nyc. it's called 'mindfulness' in the new agey collectives- those who practice meditation would understand. i, however am not meditating so much so i find that getting lost in my thoughts is easier and so getting out is harder. trying to think my way out it isn't working and that's my most recent finding.