Thursday, January 20, 2011

settings and preferences

i'm here. haven't left. decided to re-visit this blog once again. not sure i can actually make a clean separation. lately it's been all about separation for me. coincidentally, i'm allowing the universe to steer me in whatever direction i'm meant to be in. i don't know half the time if i'm actually supposed to be doing what i'm doing when i'm doing it but i'm pretty familiar with the misery that only resistance brings.
so, as natasha mentioned, life is fabulous and it's hard not to see it when it's glaring in my face. although, i have been down about certain separations that were necessary, on the other hand, my world continually opens up everyday with new people to meet and new experiences to be had.
the picture to the right is an image that my friend Nigel made after he took a photo of my tattoo! Isn't it sweet? well, i agree. between him and a few other friends who i am grateful for, i have much to be happy about.

those that have currently fallen away have also presented me with the opportunity to see myself from different angles. i'm seeing those unfavorable personality characteristics that are revealed through interactions with some people and it makes me a little sad, i have to say. whether or not this is true or false, i am convinced that i am of greater service to said people by making an exit from their lives, rather than staying. not to say that the decisions are permanent. in fact, i'm not in the habit of cutting people off and out. especially at this stage in my life! however, my sole intention is to get really honest with myself about my expectations of others. basically, if i continually find that the people i am engaging with, let me down in one way or another, it's up to me to change- not them. sometimes that change requires that i give myself space and time to let go of my excessive demands and not make others accountable for how i feel. so in a sense i'm going through a massive purification process and it's a little challenging, but it's also bringing a lot of perspective. the narrow views that make me at odds with those around me have a way of bubbling to the surface and i'm super happy to be able to identify them.

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