what is what

i exist in dreamlike dimension, where reality is based on objective perceptions that are merely fleeting illusions. the facts hide from my vision and what i see that remains are mostly opinions. theories exposed to me as truths and i resist what is real and allow what is false. there's nothing existential about my condition, though that's how it registers. words don't make any sense unless i'm actually paying attention. there is no linear explanation for these moments that are all tied into the span of a very long day. subjective assessments form a shape of normalcy while maintaining an abstract capacity. confusion and cohesion go hand in hand and i feel a sense of purpose in it all. though purpose is not feeling, it's a state of mind.
the various stages of this development are easiest to comprehend when i refer to those who have spent entire lifetimes documenting their own process. beliefs and ideas seem immaterial at times because what matters most to me the nature of their expression. my resources are not limited and i'm seeing that clearly now. i have chosen every second of my state but i have yet to master it. so much discipline must be in place and my skill level is that of a feral cat. useful in some respects but quite counter productive in others. i'm easily distracted. it's become rather apparent just how destructive i can be. only one thing, it seems can correct my tendencies and that is focus. meditation helps with that.