on contraction and expansion

Meditation called my attention today after another familiar collision with the rise of intense discomfort. A state so familiar to me that the time to sit quietly and pay attention to the my body was inevitable. It was no surprise to me that the contraction in my chest was immediately relieved when I began to investigate the sensations. Expansions came about in slower frequencies and I as sat and observed the flow, I was distracted by an abiding mental talk. I shifted my focus towards the physical experience again and again. There were numerous instances where the mental talk aggressively interrupted my focus and I was able to remain unswayed. I sat for only 20 minutes and I ended up drifting into sleep. It must have been a much needed nap. I woke up and was reminded once again of the tormenting scenario that had unfolded before me prior to meditating. My interpretations of the meaning behind each word heard and said, formed fixed ideas from which I was able to identify and release with the help of writing and reaching out to a friend. In the midst of the conflict, I also prayed for clarity. This entire process, by which I was tempted to feel sorry for myself and blame another person for my state, was disarmed and suspended. I was able to move through the remainder of my day, totally aware of the underlying heart ache that comes with such interactions, and go about my life without isolating. I had a great time with friends and was able to laugh and be present to those around me. The pleasure that comes from these breakthroughs is worth every moment. Now if I can only muster the confidence to be honest with those who have been at the receiving end of my lack of trust and unpleasant interactions.